Recollections

It is a lazy summer Sunday, and I just got done making homemade lasagna. For the record, I do not normally take the time to cook such a meal, but it is Riley's favorite, so I took advantage of having some extra time to make his week a good one (even with him eating two adult-sized servings each day, the lasagna should last us through Thursday).

As I sit here, Riley is napping, Casey is watching the PGA Championship and I am drinking a glass of wine while the lasagna bakes. Not two hours away, a friend of a friend is sitting in the hospital watching her son, who is about the same age as Riley, take his last breaths. He is dying of cancer. I don't know this friend of a friend, nor do I know her son, and in fact the first I've heard about his sad illness was today while I was standing in the check-out line at the grocery store, keeping tabs on what's going on in the lives of my friends via Facebook status posts. This, coupled with the discovery that a new acquaintance accidentally ran over and killed his 20 month old son a few years ago in his driveway, just makes tragedy and unfair circumstances all the more personal. It truly can happen to anyone, including us.

So now I have spent the better part of an hour trying to keep myself from crying over the fact that I was grumpier at Riley earlier this morning for having a meltdown at the pool because I wouldn't let him jump off the diving board (incidentally, after much deliberation, we celebrated as he took his very first plunge from a diving board into his daddy's arms at 14 months of age). Of course, life is not about guilt and we can't spend every minute of every day being sad about things, but this was a good reminder to slow down sometimes and embrace the small and seemingly insignificant things in life.

So, in celebration of Riley's first year, and in honor of all of the little people who may never get lucky enough to make it to their first or second or... birthday, I figured now is as good a time as any to recount some of my recollections from our first year with Riley.

My very favorite times when he was a baby were when Winston, Wrigley and I sat on the front porch waiting for Casey to come home from work for lunch. Riley would've been curled up sleeping on my chest for hours by this time, as I sat in the rocking chair and rocked while the four (well, really three) of us watched the world go by. Such calmness for all of us, the dogs particularly liking some time without a crying baby.

Our trip to Maine when he was seven weeks old is also a favorite memory. We were there for two weeks, although Casey wasn't there for the first. This is the time during which I realized that I was capable of being a good mother all on my own. Having Casey around is certainly more enjoyable for all of us, but that week alone with just Riley, Winston and Wrigley was an amazing experience, one for which I am extremely grateful. During the afternoon, while Winston and Wrigley were napping off their morning walk and swim, Riley and I would head down to the beach. He'd sit in his car seat and nap on the sand for hours while I read books that I thought I'd never have time to read again until he went away to college. A few of the days were chilly, and one of my favorite days on the beach I had to bundle Riley up in a sweater and pants to keep him warm enough. This was the day he figured out how to suck his thumb, and although I took a hundred photos of the occasion, the picture of him in his light blue hooded cable knit sweater sucking his thumb in his car seat on the beach with the ocean in the background is forever etched in my memory.

I remember dropping him off for his first day of "school" and thinking my heart would break. He was brave though, and instantly thought having other people around was great fun. Casey and I, on the other hand, had a hard time adjusting and found ourselves visiting him at school every day for over a week until we realized that Riley was better off if we didn't cramp his style (apparently even at 3 months he figured out that we are embarrassing).

He has always been a social, happy-go-lucky guy. He is constantly smiling, and he smiles in a way that lights up his whole face, like whatever or whomever he is smiling at is the most delightful thing he has ever seen. He already has a wry half smile that can charm pretty much anyone, but is especially adorable to the ladies. I am afraid to say that he already knows (and loves) all of the female lifeguards at the pool, and has never met a babysitter that he didn't immediately take to (good taste - they have all been uber smart Wake Forest girls).

I remember watching him figure out how to roll over, then sit, then crawl, then stand and now walk. He is a very contemplative little guy, and you can see him really thinking about what he's trying to master. For the most part, until he really felt comfortable with his ability to complete the task in an above-average way, he just didn't have any particular desire to do it. But now, in about two weeks time, he has gone from holding onto the back of his car to get around to taking his first unassisted steps to running to crawling up furniture to jumping on the bed to doing pull ups on the back of his high chair. When he is awake, he truly is constantly in motion. I couldn't love him more for that, although sometimes I think I should've become a mommy in my 20s because WOW is this exhausting sometimes!!!

I will be eternally grateful that Riley has always been a wonderful sleeper. I would like to think this is the one gift that I was able to give him in his early years. He was probably inclined to enjoy sleeping anyway, but we sure worked hard on learning how to sleep and getting on a schedule in those first seven weeks. It was great having a baby that would sleep through the night by the time I went back to work after maternity leave. Not sure I would've survived otherwise. His love of sleep is even more critical now that he is non-stop motion. When 7:30 p.m. rolls around, you can count on him being fully ready for bed, which is wonderful in that it gives Casey and I (and the dogs) a little time to relax and spend some quality time together. Thankfully, this is right around the time that the Red Sox play, and most nights we can be found on the front or back borch listening to the game on the radio (we are so old school, but it is an XM radio or a broadcast on the iTouch, so maybe that makes us somewhat less archaic???) and drinking a few beers.

The new delight is watching Riley experience the world. His favorite thing to do (besides running around) is to put at things and say "dah". We have figured out that "dah" typically means "flag" or "fan", but things being his favorites to look at. He has begun saying "tur to", which we have translated to "turtle" and "thank you". He says "ba", which I think means "ball" since he frantically looks around for Wrigley when he says it. There is "da da", which means both "Dad" and "Mom" and also that he wants to hand something to you (usually clumps of dog fur from the floor). "Uh oh" means either he has dropped something or is getting ready to chuck something as hard as he can. All these words just make me realize that he is starting to understand the things around him. He has always loved being outside (perhaps it is the constant walks we took him on when he was a baby - they could get him to stop crying in about 2 seconds flat - even in the freezing cold temperatures we had the first winter of his life). Even now, although he loves to be on the move, he will still sit in his stroller for at least an hour as we take our weekend walks to Starbucks and around Miller Park. Today all five of us went on a "hike" through Reynolda Gardens. Our neighbors gave us a Kelty backpack baby carrier when Riley was young and this was our first attempt to use it. With Riley strapped to my pack, we trudged around the woods looking at trees and sticks and streams and rain drops (our adventures always seem to include heavy downpours) and the dogs running after squirrels. He couldn't get enough of it and just looked around and around.

He is not perfect, obviously, and is already prone to having mini-tantrums when he does not get his way (what are we going to do during the terrible 2s???). And although frustrating at times, even the tantrums are important accomplishments because they mean he is becoming more and more independent and starting to discover the things he likes and does not like.

Every day is a new adventure, and with every passing day I swear he is at my favorite age. Watching him grow from a baby to a toddler is more amazing than I ever thought possible. And yet still, some of my very favorite times even now are when he wakes up in the middle of the night crying and won't stop until you pick him up out of his crib, let him sleep in your arms for a few minutes and then put him back in his bed to peacefully sleep the rest of the night away. These night-time wakings don't happen often and I have no doubt that he doesn't remember a second of this, and probably doesn't even know he does it, but it is good to know that even with all of his new found independence, every once in awhile there is nothing that he needs more than the loving arms of his mommy or daddy.

It has been a good year, and I am thankful for every second of it.