Sweet Big Brother

I know I talked in a prior post about how special the evenings in Maine, when Riley and I would "help Chase sleep" were so important to me. I did not realize that they were special to Riley too. Back at home after our vacation and back to our regular routine, Casey was in charge of getting Riley ready for bed while I was feeding Chase and putting him down. Not long into this, I heard Riley crying, saying, "But Daddy, I help Monny* put Chase sleep." It was so sweet, and alone in the dark in Chase's room, I got teary. Tonight it struck me that although I think Riley enjoyed that time with me, he also geniunely liked feeling like he was helping Chase. By the time Riley was in his jammies and ready for bed, I had already left Chase's room. When he saw me, Riley got a very puzzled look on his face and asked why I wasn't helping Chase sleep. I explained that Chase was such a big boy now that he could put himself to sleep without our help anymore. I'm not sure who is more disappointed, me or Riley. I will miss those sweet times together with my two boys. *Yes, Riley still calls me "Monny". After reading one of these blogs, Casey realized that I loved having my own special label and started referring to me as "Monny" and Riley picked it back up. I love it!

Maine Adventure - Week One

Last fall, when we were throwing around weeks that we'd like to be at the cottage at Drakes Island, we tried to get our usual week which includes Labor Day weekend. As luck would have it, no one else wanted that week or the week following, so two weeks were reserved for us even though we were certain we'd only be able to use one of tehm since taking two weeks off of work is out of the question. A few months later we found out I was pregnant with Chase. A few months before Chase was born, Casey suggested that we do as we had done when Riley was a newborn -- drive the whole family, including the dogs, up to Maine, Casey would stay for the long holiday weekend, then fly back to North Carolina to work for a week, return to Maine the following weekend, and then stay for the entire next week. My initial thought was "no way". I remembered how hard it was being alone with an infant and two dogs for an entire week and how tired I had been. I especially remember the end of the days when I was so exhausted that I had to set an alarm clock so that I could stay awake for Riley's 11:00 PM feeding. And that was without an extremely active 3-year-old boy to keep up with all day long. In the months to follow, I continued to give the idea some thought. I did what any female would do -- I asked friends with two or more young kids if they thought I could handle it and if they would attempt it, we over-analyzed it, and they concluded that it would be nuts to attempt it. Which is what led me to decide that I was going to do it. As we got closer and closer to Chase's arrival, I began to think that I was, in fact, crazy to think I could pull it off. And then when Chase arrived and I remembered just how exhausting a newborn is, and how they have their days and nights confused, and how very little "regular" sleep the parents of a newborn get, I was almost paralyzed with fear. So, two days after sweet little Chase came home from the hospital, I began working in earnest on training him how to sleep. I will be the first to admit that I was a complete sleep-training nazi. He was on such a highly-regulated schedule that I would flip out if Casey tried to do anything the slightest bit out of line with what the books said. I vividly remember one night when Chase was screaming and not easily being soothed. Casey picked him up out of the crib and said he was going to take him for a walk (exactly what he did almost every night when Riley was a baby with absolutely no complaint from me). I snapped at him and said, "I am not going to have that luxury in Maine in the middle of the night. It's not like I can leave Riley alone in the house." Valid points, but still. To his credit, Casey (probably thinking I was completely irrational) agreed to try to find alternate ways to calm Chase down and get him to sleep that did not require leaving the house. And slowly, over the course of a few weeks, we figured the little guy out enough to be able to soothe him in his own bedroom. Still, when the time came to leave for Maine, I will admit that I was dreading that first week alone with just the kids and the dogs. I was pretty sure I could make it through the day, but was afraid that it was going to be just too difficult at night to put two kids down by myself, especially since Chase needed me (or Casey) to sit in his room with him for 30 minutes or so as he slowly fell asleep, putting his pacifier back in every time he dropped it and immediately woke back up screaming his head off. But you know what? Bedtime, the time of day that I thought was going to be absolutely horrible, turned out to be my favorite time of day and my favorite memory of our week alone in Maine. Sure, walking the boys and the dogs on the beach and watching Riley delight in all of the things the beach offers (sea glass, shells, rocks, sand castles, tidal pools, seagulls, etc) was incredily fun. Strapping Chase to me in the Baby Bjorn and taking him and Riley and the dogs to play in the ocean and jump over waves in the evenings was one of the purest forms of joy I have ever experienced. Putting Riley in a wetsuit and letting him play in the pouring down rain on a chilly day while Chase, the dogs and I sat in the shelter of the garage and watched him have a blast for hours was more fun than I possibly could've imagined. But those night times that I had so much dreaded were some of my most contented moments as a mother. As I was feeding Chase, Riley without argument or attitude would go to his room and get himself dressed for bed. After Riley was in his jammies and Chase was fed, changed and swaddled, Riley and I would sit on the bed in Chase's room, iPad in hand, and watch the Red Sox or the Cubs and "help Chase sleep" as Riley called it. The dogs, exhausted from the day's swimming and beach walking, would lie at our feet on the floor next to the crib. The first few days, it took about 30 minutes of Riley and I very quietly sitting in Chase's room watching baseball to get Chase fully asleep. On those nights, Chase would scream and cry and pitch a fit, clearly overtired. As the week went on though, we had to spend less and less time soothing Chase, leaving Riley and I with more and more time before his bedtime to have a some quality time together doing what he loves most, watching baseball. We'd talk and cheer and give each other high-fives, and when I'd eventually tell him it was time for me to leave, he'd give me a hug and a kiss and tell me he'd miss me. And then I would close the door, go downstairs, clean up from the day, and make Chase's bottles, exhausted but recharged. And when that was done, I'd pour myself a glass of wine, help the dogs who were either too exhausted or getting too old get into bed, and read a book with two of my favorite companions snuggled next to me until it was time for Chase's 10:30 pm feeding. And after Chase was back into bed, I would say a quiet thanks for two amazing little boys and two wonderful dogs who allowed a day without my husband in a place that is so special to him to become so special to us too.